31 and Blessed

Today is my birthday and what a weekend to remind me how blessed I am.

Here are some highlights from what was truly an epic weekend.

1.      Early birthday dinner with my family. It’s funny the things you miss when you’re no longer living in the same city as your kinfolk.  God knows they are annoying sometimes but what can I say, absence does make the heart grow fonder, and nothing rejuvenates my soul more than one dinner with this elite group of Asians.  My nephew Tristan is now old enough to walk, talk, and not only can tell the difference between Thomas the Train characters— he has preferences! I’m amazed by him and reminded of how quickly children grow up! Last time I saw him he just drooled and pointed at things he wanted us to give him.  Now he’s evolved into this sophisticated little creature who actually knows how to shun me when someone he likes better comes along.

Another hilarious thing that happened was right before dinner when my mother handed me a plastic Ziploc bag with 100 $20 dollar bills like the Asian NE pimp daddy that she is. I found this pretty comical, especially since she told me that she’s been pilfering $20s from my dad for the last two years, hiding the money in her sock drawer so she could pay for my wedding dress. Tear.  She hated my outfit, criticized my tan, disliked the way I did my hair, but when she slyly handed me a baggie full of cash, I could not help but smile, and my heart can’t help but warm because of this kick ass and industrious woman who is my mother.   

2.     Road Trip. I love road trips and especially road trips with beautiful scenery, good company, and racing against another car that didn’t know we were racing them.  

3.     Lapdances. Nothing like being in a small confined space with a naked stranger waving her privates in your face to make you feel a teensy bit awkward. Nonetheless, my (professional) lapdance cherry has been popped and while I’m slightly traumatized, I’m glad it/she went down. Kayla, for the record, your lapdances were not only free, but better!

 4.    Cock cake: see photo below. Enough said.

5.    Polish rap video: Monika, I held it together all weekend until I saw your video. I don’t know if it was the shaky group videograph of us in the Rockies or if it was something about you and your daughter wearing your bras over your shirt and sporting that nouveaux Gypsy gangsta wear that really struck a chord in my heart, but I was touched. That video made me feel like you were there, so dziękuję przyjacielu. Done. 

6.    Wine Tour.  I think my favourite part of the wine tour was when I turned around and ALL of you were either ralphing in the bathroom or waiting in line to ralph in the bathroom.  And… I guess my second favourite part was all the great wine we tasted and the beautiful Okanagan.

7.     My girlfriends and my sister.  The most surreal part of my entire weekend was when I looked around the room and it suddenly hit me that you guys were all there just for me. How did I ever manage to find so many unique, dynamic, strong, sexy girls and manage to befriend you all?! It’s kind of a beautiful miracle if you ask me.

      I am so incredibly grateful for the effort, thought and love that you all put into making my stagette so unbelievably wonderful. From where we went, to my outfit, to the meals, to the margarita mixer to the stagette games… it’s been a long time since I’ve felt so extraordinarily loved and special. 

     Thank you to all of you for your generosity and for giving me a weekend that I will always remember.  And of course, a special shout out to my homegirl Carolyn, who made it all possible.  It is evidently clear to me that life has been extremely kind to me because I’ve been blessed with your friendship.  I’m so lucky to call you my friends. Thank you and I love you all.

My Personal Hell: Wedding Dress Shopping

Even though I've watched my fair share of “Say Yes to the Dress”, and admittedly shed a tear or two over the years, I always knew that I would not enjoy dress shopping.  I don’t know why, call it a hunch (or all the wine that I drink), but I just knew that it would a long, painful process and that I would eventually have to “settle”.  So, after two years of blissful procrastination, I finally ventured out and visited some of Montreal’s finest this February.

On a day-to-day basis I love being right, but the validation of my inner fear that I would hate dress shopping and that everything would look terrible on me was a sad one for me to ring true.

Here are some highlights and tips from my adventures in wedding dress shopping:

1. High Expectations: Early in January, we went to an enormous bridal exposition, where I excitedly took numerous blurry photos of one dress that I saw in the fashion show. To me, it was the perfect mixture of traditional and modern, and it really spoke to me.  For an entire month, I eagerly awaited for my appointment at Store#1, convinced that my dress shopping was over before it begun.  When I finally got there and tried on my “dream dress”, I was sadden to discover that it: a) weighed about a 100lbs b) made me look like a white, fat, fluffy bird c) was terribly uncomfortable d) was terribly expensive. Sigh. 

      2. Wear Nice Underwear: ummmm no one freaking told me that the sales ladies dress you! And sometimes ask you to take off your bra entirely! I know I’m not the picture of modesty, but seriously! While this is something you get used to quickly, I’ll always fondly remember my first time where I shamefully stood, in front of a neat-looking Italian woman that I just met, in nothing but my comfy bra (aka dirty and old) and a g-string.

      3. Happy Hour for Perspective Brides: Being the lone wolf here in la belle province, I did most of these shopping trips on my own.  To me, nothing was more annoying/awkward/horrible then stepping out in a sample dress that was two sizes too small for me into a small room full of another bride’s gushing mother, sister and friends. Store#3 & Store#5 was this kind of experience…and it was HORRIFIC.  At one point, I just refused to come out of the cabin, etiquette be damned. I would suggest avoiding bridal shopping at what I like to call Happy Hour for Perspective Brides: Saturday and Sunday mornings, as well as Thursday and Friday evenings. Trunk show? No thanks!

      4. Practice DOES make Perfect: I went in knowing nothing about wedding dresses and now I know what words like rouching, dropped waist, bustle and crinoline mean. I don’t know what lucky, skinny broad is able to try on one dress and fall in love with it, but for me trying on so many really helped to eliminate the silhouettes that I didn't like. Each store I went into, brought me one step closer to the one I would buy and I was soon able to tell right away what would make me look like a sausage, a cupcake, a hooker, etc without the effort of getting to second base with the sales girl.  

      5. The MOST HORRIBLE OF THEM ALL: Store #4 was really the pièce de résistance in terms of horrifying wedding dress experiences.  Let me start by saying that this is a REALLY famous store where a certain internationally-famed singer bought her wedding dress. I went there with high expectations to discover that it was “a what we have is what you’ll need to fit into” kind of store.  OK that’s fine; there were a few dresses that I fit into and that I liked enough. Then I found out about the NO PHOTOS rule here. Difficult, but livable. I finally put on this Spanish style, dropped waist dress that thanks to the miracle of a corset I was able to fit into, that I kind of liked. Mind you, my inability to sit, breath or smile in it told me that despite the corset, (and maybe also because of it!), it was probably at least one size too small. The sale girl then tells me, we can make it larger, but you should just lose about 15 lbs, preferably in the middle. Ouch. Why tell me something I don’t know, mean, blunt Italian woman!!

And you know what? Even this I could handle. I’m Asian— brutal honestly is like my people’s mantra.  What I couldn't handle was when I was leaving, and after booking another appointment so I could show Jess in April, she secretly whispered to me: “I can help you lose the weight, I sell XXX on the side. I've already helped two other brides lose 15-20lbs”. After which, she handed me a card to a website that sells chemical-filled protein shakes, weight loss bars, and meal supplements with names that had way too many Xs in it to be legit. Yeah, thanks, but no thanks.  To top it off, I came to work to share my story with my friend who went there with her daughter. This woman told her daughter to get her breast size reduced because she was too heavy-chested to find a dress that would be appropriate! There are no words.

The entire experience was not all that bad. I met a really sweet, genuinely sincere bridal consultant at Store#3, who I’m still emailing and chatting with! And if you’re like me and hate the gym, well, there’s nothing quite like standing half-naked in front of a skinny Italian woman (I don’t know why, but each one of my bridal consultants were Italian) and have her judge you with her eyes. Yes, if you want the fear of God to strike your heart and send you to the gym my friends, go try on a few wedding dresses.

And of course, there was Store#6, which is called J’adore Boutique in the West Island of Montreal—figures that I would find my dress amongst Anglos. The experience was awesome. There was no pressure, the sales girl left the dress ready for me to slip into and had me call her once I was in to tie me up. She was knowledgeable, pulled the exact dresses that I wanted, listened to me and didn't try to sell me any weight loss remedies.  I tried on my dress and right away I felt beautiful, thin, comfortable and most importantly, like me.

If I were the type to cry over a dress I would have, but instead I handed her my VISA and told her to ring it up.  It’s funny, how one little dress changes your perspective.  Before I said yes to the dress, I was completely going through the motions of wedding planning, but now I’m genuinely EXCITED! I can’t wait to show Sebastien and all of you my beautiful dress! Maybe this is the trigger that spins me into a bossy Bridezilla, but all of a sudden, I find myself day-dreaming about the big day and how I want it to be absolutely perfect.

That’s all for now, my friends!

Xx

Levan.